~LilAngelWings014

Just when I start feeling better...

Early this morning before I woke up, my dear rat, Mr. Miyagi passed away. He was about 3 and a half years old and the smartest rat Ive ever had the pleasure of befriending.

I feel like Im dying on the inside. Im so lonely even with this smile on my face. I say Im ok, and sometimes I really think I am...but I know deep down that Im not. I fucked up. I ruined the best thing that ever happened to me but it may have been for the best. Our relationship is better now than it ever was. I left but realized too late that thats not what I wanted. I found my way to the other side to only find the grass dry and withered and turned around to find a glass wall where I could still see the side I once was on and wanted so desperately to be again. I cried and begged and slammed myself against the wall, trying to break it down so I could fall into those arms once more, but to no avail. Now I lay crumpled and helpless, with him sitting beside me but the wall still between us. Im confused and hurt. I feel bound and gagged, choking on nausea and lonliness. I know I need this, and I can never hope to have anything more than friendship ever again and part of me thinks its best to keep it that way. Maybe there is something better out there and these are just the pleadings of a broken heart, but it doesnt make things any easier. I crave for arms to hold me, soft lips to kiss, and a comfort and strength that makes me feel safe and protected...if I stop moving, if I stop doing, I will curl up in a ball of depression and never rise again...

I managed to grab =phoenixelement's kiriban so Im returning the favor since I see how much fun it is to win one...

So Im setting a Kiriban at 6,000 pageviews...not too far off...

The first person to snag a screenshot and send it via Note, Ill do a cleaned pencil sketch of whatever you want. Please make it tasteful and not too complicated. I dont have a lot of free time these days, so the less complicated you make it, the faster you will get it, k?

Not long ago, a close friend of mine, Michael Heneghan, was diagnosed with leukemia. To my father, he's like a son and to my brother and I, he's like a big brother. He's only 28 years old, just got married last summer, before the diagnosis, and had high hopes of becoming a police officer, starting a family, living his dreams. Then one day he realized that his persistent cold was getting worse and he was bruising far too easily.

His family, my family, friends from work, everyone who knew him got tested to see if their marrow was a match all in the hopes to help him. Weeks passed with no word of whether or not anyone was a match. Then, only a few days ago, I learned that they had found him a match but a very poor one and the only one. Because of the quality of the match, he now only has a 50% chance of survival.

Now Im working on a large project for him. Back before the diagnosis, he asked me if I could do a painting on a pair of old saw blades for him. I happily agreed, but it was easily forgotten in the daily rush. Every time I saw him, we both would go "oh yeah" and he would say he's bring the blades next time next time next time. Now, finally I am in possession of these wonderful antique saws and am on a mission to get them painted before he goes in for surgery which is only about a month away. Im pouring my heart and soul into this in the hopes that it will make him happy enough to raise his spirits to help get him through his recovery.


****So heres where you come in****...inspired by the kindness of a complete stranger who offered to send a care package to cheer him up, I am now asking for the help of others. Be it a card or a simple doodle...anything will help to put a smile on his face and brighten his day.

If you can find the kindness in your heart, send me a note and Ill give you Mikey's address. Just make sure that in the letter/card/package that you mention that you know me, Amanda Caroselli. I dont want the poor guy getting freaked out by any unknown mail coming from unknown people. Oh, and he loves all things Maine and wildlife, like moose and black bears...

Even if its only one or two people that respond to this, every little hope and prayer helps.

well, Ive found myself coming up a bit short this month for all of the necessities and the fridge is looking bare and I need to pay rent and my gas tank is nearly empty among other things so Im taking 2 commissions. Thats about all I can handle at this point.

So please, make me an offer and let me know what you want. Please dont ask for anything TOO detailed, but if the price is right, Ill do full color, background, details...the whole bit.

Please contact me asap if you can or even help spread the word, every little bit helps.

Thanks,

Amanda Caroselli